Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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