She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
