I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Ketchup is God's man juice
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Randomize
