whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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