Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
