an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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