he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
