Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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