So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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