I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
