It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
