i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
