THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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