how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
