I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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