Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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