My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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