I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Two words: blizzard sex
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
