i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
