Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize