There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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