that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
