Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
