chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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