So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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