i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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