Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
