I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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