I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
