Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
her vagine was all disorganized.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
