Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
