Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
