Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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