literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
