I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
