Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
