im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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