everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
As shirtless as possible
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize