I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
