this boner is exhausting
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
