Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
