Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
