im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Pooping to opera.
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