They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
