Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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