I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
