1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
