I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
