Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
