So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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