Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
