My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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