i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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