My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
