I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
