He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
