he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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