Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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