I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
