She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
