i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
