we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
