you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize