I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
