i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Randomize
