I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
