You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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