On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
