From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
