You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
