He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
