can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
