Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
