I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I touched a dick in church today
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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