wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
