All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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