His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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