remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
