She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize