2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
