I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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