Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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