Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
