Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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