haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
