yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
