About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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