after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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