he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Holy sore nipples Batman
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
