yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
