My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
