Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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