people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
