you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
