Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
