I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
