Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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