life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
