So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
