Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
